Time

So way way back in the day I was introduced to the ancient Greek philosophical problem of how time functions. It involved a footrace that could never end but I never got it, but I think I do now.

IF time is perfectly measured by moments then movement would be theoretically impossible. So if Heracles were running a 40 yard dash that race could be described as a collection of moments BUT there would be an infinite number of moments which described Heracles going half way to the finish line, those moments would literally never end. If time is only the collection of moments we could ALWAYS find a moment in which Heracles is half as close to the finish line. Since this number of moments is literally infinite it would be impossible for Heracles to reach the finish line. He would simply continually traveling half the distance for eternity.

Evidence shows that a moving object can and does reach a target and I do not consider myself qualified (or interested) to solve the problem, but at long last I at least understand the problem.

School Progress

I am about half way through the teaching credential program. It has been a long day coming... I mean it took me about three years just to get into the program because of minor but intractable bureaucratic errors on my part. But I see God's hand in this since during that time the CSUEB credential program was just losing their key administrators due to retirement and implementing the new TPA test. And also I would have finished just in time for near economic collapse.

That collapse may still come but till then I will continue working towards a career that both has meaning, integrity and some money. To be sure there is not a super lot of money in teaching by American materialist standards but the starting wages for a teacher seem like a million bucks to me. There is a part of me I need to remind that I am working for God and not money because it seems so nice to be able to afford a two bedroom apartment, health and dental, weekends off and some clothes which are not specifically for work. Lower middle class seems like a dream... heck I might even be actual middle class!

But I am not working for the money. I could make money plenty of ways, but I am good at teaching, it recharges instead of drains my batteries. I like being in a class and helping students grow from mistakes and developing a sound mind and sound character. It is a life worth living.

...
Yesterday I got to sit with someone crying her eyes out. She is overwhelmed by her life and dealing with the past and present and didn't see it ever getting better. My comforting words felt pretty flat and meaningless in that strange, helpless world of tears but I believe what I said. I am proud of how she has been growing in the past years, opening and not closing her heart to others, growing to trust God one day at a time and wanting healing. I could wish the same on myself. And though she still felt the same except one day older I still believe that in God Himself there is healing and hope, for her and me as well.

Response to "The Dispossessed"

At Jemuel's recommendation I read "The Dispossessed" by Ursula La Guin. It is lamely billed as "anarchist utopia science fiction" which mostly gives reasons not to read the book rather than actually give you any idea what it is about or if it is worth reading. It is worth reading.

There may be spoilers.

As a novel
The structure of the novel caught me off guard in that it was somewhat interesting. Science fiction in my experience is very A to B with space ships or something. Even Ray Bradbury, who I hold in high regard, wrote almost exclusively this way. La Guin structured this book so that after the first chapter (the present for the protagonist) we are without any indicator taken to the protagonist's early childhood. The next chapter continues in the present followed by the past again, but always moving forward.

The structure is still something like A to B but really it is something more like A to 1 to B to 2 to C and so forth except in theory the chapters could have been put in full chronological order and maintained a cohesive structure. The stepping back and forth to different times, once understood, was enjoyable and carefully revealed the character of the protagonist, his relationships and the settings of each time.

Purely as a writer I say it works but would hope that La Guin does not use this structure in multiple books. Certainly an artist plays with a mode or gimmick in multiple projects but if the artist never clings on to the mode for no real reason it becomes obnoxious. It would be especially offensive considering the ideals of the protagonist to be a part of novel but mechanical trick of the trade.

As a utopia
Jemuel described the anarchist society the protagonist comes from as "a realistic anarchist society." Hearing this I started the book with my magnifying glass to find clear hypocrisies, idealistic self denials and impractical solutions to the human condition (sinfulness). However I found Jemuel's description to have been quite accurate; La Guin had not intended the society to be a utopia at all. The people were sometimes jerks; life sometimes was hard; there were problems which the ideals of the society could not pretend to solve. Half of the past part of the story is the protagonist struggling to achieve an actual anarchist society in the anarchist society, to push the society to their own ideals.

The anarchist society was a moon of a earth like society (in a mode not unlike the past Cold War era). The two were meant to contrast each other and to La Guin's credit she does not deny the virtues of the hierarchical society the protagonist spends most of his time. Really she goes overboard to highlight the splendor, power and effectiveness of such a society. In contrast the anarchist society seems difficult but relaxed, sociable but overly casual, there are fewer boundaries to hold people in or protect them from the difficulties of others.

Most interesting about the anarchist society is the protagonist's general discovery that it had slowly replaced the freedom of individuals with the tyranny of social expectation. Though that tyranny is almost non-existent compared to the conventional use of the word. The big consequence of breaking social expectation is not much worse than being unpopular... rather than being shot at with machine guns from a helecopter.

Still with a surprsing few number of modifications the anarchist society could easily fit into my understanding of a realistic Christian society (though we'd have many of the same failing what with our sinful nature and all).

Christian Response
La Guin's anarchist society was most different from my understanding of a realistic Christian society in its sexual mores.

It is an obnoxious subject to disagree about because the blatant hypocrasy of almost everyone involved. It is difficult to even speak of the subject. I have encountered a chaotic blend of leanred rules, guilt and lust which leads almost everyone to strongly and irrationally defend or attack a sexual mores depending on circumstances and mood rather than any guiding principle. And the few non-Christians who are capable of navigating their sexuality without chaos are more private about it for fear of attack from the mass majority of angry people who don't really know what they believe about sex. I have heard many criticism of Christian sexual mores but rarely have I heard that the Christian sexual life is unclear.

Regardless of uselessness (and stereotype) of the Christian objection to a differen sexual standard I would be false to not explore the Christian reaction to the anarchist sexual mores. It is not the most important part of their society... but it still stands out.

The anarchist society operates in a socially constructed mode where consentual sexual activity between adults is politely kept private but beyond that has no other social standard or expectation. So people have sex when they feel like it with whoever feels like doing it. You get a room, you do your thing and its not that big of a deal. OR if you feel like it you have a lifetime partner and sex is something only shared with that partner. The partner model is shown to be the anomoly and in small ways causing friction to others but on the whole not very unusual. Still as the story progresses the protagonist does make a commitment to a partner and their relationship is indistinguishable from a successful marriage.

The Christian objection to the ideal La Guin imagines is based upon the principle that the structure and rule of Christian sexuality are made for our benefit and protection rather than to opress or supress sexuality. The criticism of La Guin's ideal is that it imagines that most of the cause of modern sexual unhappiness is socially constructed. If that were the case (and disease and preganncy were managed) in theory the only needed step would be to change the socially constructed mores: problem solved.

I'm getting tired and want to write about what the anarchist ideal does very right so I am not going to argue about it other than to say that the Christian position is that a undeniable part of sexual problems are beyond social construction.

One way La Guin's anarchism meets with Christianity is in the nature of work/play. In the anarchist society the two words work and play are the same word. In one part everyone does the kind of work/play that they feel inclined to do. So there are a lot of hobbies, of a sort. The people jsut do what they like, be it music, building, driving, physics, science or whatever. Passion focuses vocation. But then everyone takes a time doing mundane jobs which need to be done BUT they are done as an act of service to the people. One could say that they are done out of love.

This is not very different from the Christian model. I am going to be a teacher because that is what makes me come alive. I switch on when I'm in a class room. I would say God is calling me (existentially) to this path. But still there are some things I do which I "just got to do." But these supposed obligations when perceived as an act of love are transformed (if only in my mind) from a boring task to a supreme act. I get switched on when I teach but this does not compare to the high of helping someone in need.

Okay I'm going to go to sleep.

A Serious Man by the Cohen Brothers

Yeah, there are spoilers but for the most part that is permissible; I mean how much would it affect a person's appreciation of "The Big Lebowski" to know beforehand who had taken the money?
Because of the inaccessibility of the film at this time all quotations should be considered paraphrases.
Lastly, this is going to be a full blown paper, not a casual review. If you want a review here it is: if you liked most Cohen Brothers movies you'll like this one. Just be warned it is most like "Barton Fink" of all their films.

...
When I was fifteen my Mom sat her remaining children down and made us listen to "She's Leaving Home," a little noticed Beatles song on "Sgt Pepper's Lonelyhearts Club Band." Already a fringe figure in the family, my mother had little influence in the future direction of our lives. She seemed to grasp at what little hope she had and stressed how important it was that we understood that song. At sixteen I said "yeah, yeah, yeah." but did listen and in future Beatle enjoyment paid extra attention to the meaning of that song.

The Cohen Brother's latest film "A Serious Mind" is the kind of movie I would show my children if I felt that their lives were heading towards soullessness and I had little influence to use to steer them towards a meaningful life. Sadly, there is no one I think that would understand the movie as I do... unless it is my Mom. The central theme of "A Serious Man" can be found in the film when the ancient rabbi quotes the Jefferson Airplane song: "'When the truth is found to be lies/And the hope within you dies,' what... do... you... do?" The central theme of "A Serious Man" is that the neat, rational paradigm of twentieth century America has shown itself to be false and offers no hope for those who trust in it. This theme is expressed through the setting, of the 1960's, where American society came close to social collapse, the struggle of Larry Gopnik, the protagonist, who is looking for meaning in his troubles while desiring to believe in an ordered, moral, meaningful universe in the midst of life shattering problems. The theme which is mostly seen as the struggle of Larry has consequences on his whole family but it is mostly clearly shown in the danger to his son. His son seems largely indifferent to his father's troubles though he is not ignorant. At school his main concern is getting twenty dollars, at home his main concern is the reception of his television. But regardless of his ignorance and indifference it is clearly shown that the Larry's failure to find an answer will still be a storm which his son must endure.

From "Dispossessed" by Ursula K. Le Guin

Do me a favor. Read this passage from the anarchist sci-fi book "Dispossessed" and think of the description as a type of archetype, then answer the question at the end. It's not hard but I am curious.
"Since he was very young he had known that in certain ways he was unlike anyone else he knew. For a child the consciousness of such a difference is very painful, since, having done nothing yet and being incapable of doing anything, he cannot justify it. The reliable and affectionate presence of adults who are also, in their own way, different, is the only reassurance they can have; and Shevek had not had it. His father had indeed been utterly reliable and affectionate. Whatever Shevek was and whatever he did, Palat approved and was loyal. But Palat had not had this curse of difference. He was like the others, like all the others to whom community came so easy. He loved Shevek, but could not show him what freedom is, that recognition of each person's solitude which alone transcends it."

In so far as you can recognize the archetype of the "stranger in a strange land," inncoent alien loner do you identify with the character, wish to know the character or dislike the character?

Supreme Court

So the Supreme Court will be meeting soon and that always interests me. Pasted below is a brief summary of the major cases from http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2009/10/05/MNR119VTSS.DTL

My reaction to the cases will follow:

Campaigns: Whether federal and state laws that ban corporate and labor union contributions to political campaigns and political parties violate freedom of speech.

Guns: Whether the Second Amendment, which the court interpreted to guarantee an individual's right to own guns for self-defense, applies to state and local governments.

Cross: Whether an 8-foot cross in the Mojave National Preserve is an unconstitutional government endorsement of religion.

Animals: Whether a federal law making it a crime to possess images of cruelty to animals violates freedom of speech.

Terrorism: Whether federal laws that make it a crime to give "material support," including legal training and medical aid, to groups designated as terrorist organizations are unconstitutionally vague or over broad.

Juveniles: Whether a state can sentence juveniles to life without the possibility of parole for crimes other than homicides, such as rape or robbery.

....

Campaign finance: In a society where voters make decisions based upon emotional sentiment rather than responsible citizenship how much money allowed directly into national campaigns is a non-issue. Big money (corporations and unions) still spends a lot of money by contributing to non-profits which let us know that Sen. Kerry was a coward, Gov.Palin is a nut job and if you vote this way the terrorists won.

I see no compelling reason to change this particular limit and no compelling reason to hold fast to it. A responsible citizen informs themselves and is resistant to propaganda voting intelligently for the good of their conscience, family and nation. Where these responsible citizens exist money has a limited influence. Where these responsible citizens are overshadowed by consumer conformist no campaign reform can save democracy.

Guns: This case is a refinement of a recent SC decision to forbid D.C. from banning all citizen gun ownership. Based on a constitutional argument gun ownership must be protected. "A well armed citizenship is the best defense from tyranny" or so the argument goes. I support some forms of limitation of gun control but agree with the precedent of the previous ruling which forbids any universal ban.

Cross: I understand two broad ways of interpreting the First Amendment's religious clause: pluralist or secular. The first says that legally all religions (*"most all" not "all all") must be tolerated in the public arena. The second says that all religions are forbidden in the public arena. My understanding of this case (and most of the similar recent cases) are from the secular interpretation. The cross cannot be allowed on publicly funded land because no religious artifact is to be allowed on any public function because allowing the statement "In God we trust" on a dollar bill is equivalent to a state religion.

I tolerate the idea of a pluralist society because I recognize the necessity for toleration in a democracy but have no respect for the secular position. If the case was challenging that the Christian symbol was given competitive edge over some other local religion I might side with the case but to say that you just can't have a religious symbol on government property I reject.

Animal: Nah, besides would it apply to PETA's anti-meat propaganda too? There would have to be strong, thoroughly reviewed almost uncontested scientific support that possession of such images resulted in further crimes. This isn't child pornography we are talking about.

Terrorism: I don't know if the laws are over-broad or vague but strongly believe that criminal laws should be specific and clear even if they involve terrorism.

Juveniles: I think that would fall under cruel and unusual punishments.

Free Will (FW) vrs Predestination (PD)

Without getting into general epistemology (a severe handicap) my best understanding is that the Biblical support for PD is much stronger than it is for FW. My anecdotal experience has shown FW to be more popular in the church community but the reasoning is has been largely reason based rather than Bible based.

In my own reading of the Bible there are numerous clear examples of God overruling the free will of people, the most famous being the Pharaoh who had his heart hardened by God (Exodus 4:21 being just one of many many such verses in that book). He also allows Satan to overrule the free will of others such as in the case of Judas Iscariot.

In Romans 9 Paul speaks directly to this issue and his position clearly favors PD quoting the OT "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy." 9:16 goes so far to say that salvation does not depend of man's effort or DESIRE. To answer objections that this might make God unfair Paul's response is rather heavy handed saying "who is the clay to speak back to the potter?"

I am not qualified to make a fully developed air tight argument but these examples from the Bible are not isolated.

object- empty starbucks sample cup

I am working on my writing skill. This is mostly just an exercise in my prose. I describe a single object in a paragraph with out any deep purpose but simply for practice. The goal is mostly to create the image in the reader's mind... but I would not be surprised if occasionally my object became a symbol of some kind.
Empty Starbucks Sample Cup:

The empty sample cup sits forgotten on the far side of the coffee shop table. The corporate logo on the side of the cup are made to not face towards the man so that the siren can not look him in the eye.The short length of green straw points toward the man like an accusing finger: "He will not throw me away. He will not recycle. He will not purchase anything more." The inner sides of the cup are scraped of their whip cream imperfectly so that they form stretched clouds of sugar and cream dotted with the remains of the cinnamon garnish. The remains of the orange drink makes a shallow pool on the bottom of the cup forming a ring of rejection taken freely, used up and soon forgotten.

Poem from "The Glass Bead Game"

Stages

As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
De ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.

Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Holy Spirit seeks no to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain slaves of permanence.

even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.

Ending of "The Glass Bead Game"

"Oh! he thought in grief and horror, now I am guilty of his death. And only now, when there was no longer need to save his pride or offer resistance, he felt, in shock and sorrow, how dear this man had already become to him. And since in spite all rational objections he felt responsible for the Master's death, there came over him, with a premonitory shudder of awe, a sense that this guilt would utterly change him and his life, and would demand much greater things of him than he had ever before demanded of himself."

That is the last paragraph of the story. This book is hardly a story at all, there seems to be no conflict at all. If not for the last paragraph/sentence it would be a senseless tragedy.

As beautiful a book as it is "The Glass Bead Game" also makes me sad. It makes me feel separated from others because it is something so special and delicate to myself which I cannot share with others. Maybe I could read excerpts to bookish and pretty young women to hear their sparkling accolades. "Wow, that's really deep." But really in a way especially agreeable to myself the excerpts come in page long chunks rather than paragraphs, let alone sentences.

I guess that is just one of the preciousness qualities of a book in general. That it is so private. I can feel fellowship with a friend because of our mutual appreciation of the same book or author but ultimately the beauty of the book still belongs to us separately.

Sensible People

Christian is slowly progressing through stop and go traffic in his old ’89 Honda Civic. The car was named “Angelica” after his mother since it was difficult and undependable. He had gotten the car as a gift from the church where he was saved for some purpose or another but no one feels saved in traffic. His mother and teenage sister were with him on this drab but bright California winter day. His sister was also named after their mother but everyone called her Gee or Gigi. No one called their mother by her name either but it was unconsciously accepted by everyone that her name was actually Mom. She was not a well respected woman but no one doubted her maternal instincts. Between the one Angelica being called Gee and the other Mom you would have thought that the car was named for religious reasons.

Gee sits in the front seat staring out the window without speaking or listening. She has shotgun over Mom because she is a pregnant. Mom sits in the back cheerfully giving advice about pregnancy and motherhood. “Pregnant girls always get the front seat,” Mom explains to no one so that it seems more like a recitation of scripture rather than a conversation. “They are special, a gift, and need to be treated that way. You believe in God, you should know that.”

“You don’t even go to church, Mom.” Christian says half- heartedly.

“When I was pregnant your father always bought me flowers.” Mom continues without hearing.

In sensible families when a sixteen-year-old girl gets pregnant sensible mothers start talking about abortion or maybe adoption. Mom talks predominantly about milk. “Growing babies need a lot of nutrients,” she says. Mom would start keeping a gallon of milk in her van for her daughter and grandchild.

Neither Gee nor her mother had any idea how to take care of themselves. Mom lives in a van. Gee floats between welfare provided hotel rooms, friends’ couches and worst case scenario a warm and concealed dumpster. Mom burned all of her bridges with sensible family members with her learned helplessness and uncompromising morality. Gee’s pregnancy alienated anyone who might have pitied her for her eccentric mother. To sensible families both have become useful instructive tools in passing on sensible family values:

“You don’t want to end up like that Gee girl.”

“It is such a shame about that Gigi.”

“I blame her mother.”

“You could always move into my van.” Mom says hopefully.

“No, Mom!” Gee explodes impatiently. “I keep telling you I don’t want to live in your smelly van!”

“I just worry about the baby.” Mom says defensively dropping the subject.

Christian has not burned all of his bridges with his sensible family members. He is actually held in rather high regard. He could hold two jobs while going to college, had never been arrested, paid back what he borrowed and borrowed rarely. He actually agreed with Mom about the vibrant joy that is growing in his sister but was just sensible enough to keep this private. This discretion seemed to be a tight rope walked between two worlds. He did suffer guilt because he lived in a rented room in someone’s house while Mom lived in a van and his sister lived where she could.

Sensible people congratulated him saying that it was proper and fitting that he take care of himself first. “You got to look out for number one,” they would whisper to him as if they were conspirators. Christian did not resent them but between Mom’s influence and his conversion he had never developed the sensible belief that his self interest was the highest good to be achieved in one’s life. He was not as that sensible. Secretly he planned to support Mom and Gee but believed that they would be best cared for by him graduating college.

Strictly speaking Christian might have been a saint but he was not perfect. The very least of his sins was that he was a selfish driver. On the freeway there is an exit which other than leading into the city also leads directly back to the freeway. Using this as a shortcut is the grown up equivalent of cutting in line. Christian was perfectly aware he was stealing someone else’s spot and ultimately making more traffic for those behind him. If his mother thought about the ethics of driving one tenth as much as she did about milk she would say something to shame him. But with a growing baby in the car, she was content so long as her son do not go over the speed limit or change lanes too often.

Despite his conscience Christian is overpowered by a desire to go faster than ten miles-per-hour. It was during that small happiness he was attempting to steal that Gee saw her crawling along the side of the freeway.

“Christian! Pull over! Pull over!” she called out urgently almost panicking “There’s a dog on the side of the road!”

Christian was scared for a second but then was relieved it was just a dog. If Mom had not been in the car he would have kept driving but she WHO BIRTHED HIM, CARED FOR HIM AND PROTECTED HIM UNTIL HE GREW UP INTO THE MAN SHE ALWAYS KNEW HE WOULD BE was there so there was only one way I could go. The whole family was sentimental about animals and Christian not the least so. He only needed the most to be reminded what he really believed in.

Sensible people think of Christian as a sort of pet moral figure, the kind of saint that fits on the dashboard of an expensive automobile. They pat him on the back, make sure he doesn’t drop out of college and say how great it is he likes to go to church. Christian accepts this cheap applause and does not bother to correct those who misunderstand him since they don’t think so highly of him to mimic his lack of sensibility about family or dog.

Because of the gift of his mother’s heart Christian was resolve. He knew what was right. Without a word he pulled over on the side of the freeway and got out of his car. He didn’t expect much. If a dog gets hit on the freeway there was only one way it could go.

It was cold enough, by California standards, to wear a jacket. He only owned one jacket. His mother’s sensible step-dad had started a tradition a couple years earlier of buying all of the grown grandchildren matching ugly jackets. It was not known if he knew with what irony they received this gift. But for the frugal patriarch buying six Christmas presents for under $75 forgave all crimes of fashion. Some might say that he is cheap but for many of his sensible grandchildren a simple Christmas visit or even a phone call was too expensive a gift to give. The steady disintegration the sensible family made the old man’s Christmas shopping less and less costly; year by year the picture of amused faces in neon denim jackets had grows less and less crowded. This family disintegration had also been a serious blow to the homeless community who had cause to give thanks for the grandfather’s frugality. Soon after Christmas the local panhandlers were beyond pitiable in their lime green and feces brown jackets.

This year however Christian kept his jacket. It showed Mickey Mouse inviting others to a theme park that Christian had never been to. He had inherited his Gramps’ meanness about money out of necessity. This jacket wasn’t too bad. Christian might not wear everything I had been given but would rather go without than pay $20 for something he liked better. Aside from that he had become touched with affection for his Gramps, who faithfully (though not extravagantly) remembers grandsons who never remembered him on Christmas or any other day.

Buttoning his jacket Christian trotted along the side of the freeway. His mother had moved to the driver’s seat and said she would take the next exit, turn around and wait for him on the overpass they had driven under. “I worry about being on the side of the road with the baby,” she explained.

Christian headed back towards the overpass, which rose above the freeway and the frontage road that was an entrance to, an exit from and shortcut through the freeway. The frontage road was separated from the freeway by a cement divider but the frontage road was separated from a large open field by a short fence made of an interval of short wooden posts that held up a rail designed to bounce back reckless drivers. The field was newly landscaped with sapling trees and tanbark meant to beautify the long stretch of crowded concrete. The occasional traffic along the frontage road was impatient hotshots, like Christian, who would aggravate the traffic for others just to be able to drive forty miles-per-hour for ten seconds.

It was with the drone of indifferent motorists that Christian first saw her lying down in the tan bark ten feet away from the frontage road. When Gee had seen her, she had enough will to crawl but now lay like one dead. Christian knew there was only way it could go. His mind immediately thought of nightmare stories he had known, where monsters with human faces would throw a bag of unwanted kittens into a lake. This same kind of creatures might take their dog for a ride and make a quick stop on the side a freeway. These amazingly sensible people would then return to their other dependents with stories of a farm where their dog could play with lots of other dogs and be happy.

This dog, however, had a collar and tags. It was more likely that she was a lost dog. Her family was only human and even the noblest of dogs doesn’t know better than to explore an open gate, never knowing or believing that it could lead to dying on the side of the freeway. Maybe pictures of this dog being hugged by happy children already were posted on telephone poles and shops in the neighborhood she would never see again. From a distance Christian could read her tag; her name was “Michelle.”

Michelle was a mutt with some pit bull. Her coat was cheaper than Christian’s jacket, red and brown and black and white. She had been a puppy not long ago but her carefree days were behind her and would never return. She had been hit by a car, and it had crushed her hip or broke her hind legs or cracked her spine. She lay down whining in way that sounded both like her prayers and her last rites. There was only one way it could go.

Christian had been called to be with Michelle in her pain, suffering and humiliation. All of which would most likely define the end of her life, as it does for most of us. Christian had been raised with dogs and cats, strays and domesticated. He imagined himself somewhat of a dog-whisperer, able to charm skittish and abused animals into trust or acceptance. This would not work out very well with Michelle. Though he only courted her with love and sympathy they never became friends. Though for his part Christian was always her friend.

The best advice is to never get close to a strange dog. All dogs are defensive and protective creatures; even a friendly dog will bite when startled. It is best to make your presence known and if the dog is willing to let it come towards you. Michelle would not approach anyone in friendliness or ferocity ever again. Without the use of her hind legs she was not a dangerous dog unless someone came close. But getting close is just what Christian had a mind to do. Christian could read the tag with Michelle’s name but she had another tag which identified her family, those who would rush from their sensible plans to be with their loved one if only to be there at the end.

With this in mind Christian lowered his head, keeping it submissive and if he had a tail would have put it between my legs. He reached out his hand slowly, flat and low for Michelle to smell. This is good manners when dealing with dogs but Michelle was not accepting invitation. She started to growl to let Christian know that he was not welcome but he still inched forward. She tensed to sit up and begin what might have been a bark or a bite. But this put pressure where she was most hurt and all that came out was a sharp whine. Christian’s jumped back which caused Michelle to also jump back despite the pain. He approached again, slow and close to the ground. He hoped that she would trust him, either out of intuitive kinship or in desperation. He only came for her good, and she certainly didn’t have any bite left in her. But each inch he moved towards her she whined, growled and with anguish jerked two inches away from him. He moved forward in pained compassion, and she moved back in pain and more pain. Hopelessly she began urinating on herself as she still desperately tried to escape the only man who loved her. Seeing her shame and the end of her life Christian wondered how he had imagined he had ever known the meaning of love or pity before this moment.

At this point Christian’s main concern was no longer his own sensible desire to avoid being bitten but that in pain and ignorance Michelle was throwing herself further and further towards the freeway. The fence which bounced careless drivers would not stop a crawling dog from meeting one more indifferent or malicious motorist.

Christian backed away and began to circle around so that if Michelle did back away from him then at least she would also be moving away from the freeway, its indifference and death. He took off his jacket and held it front of him like a matador. Michelle never took a suspicious eye off of him but was confused enough that he could drape the jacket, the little warmth he had, over her injury and shame. She lay under her jacket like one already dead; content to move no more.

Sentimental sensible people would be greatly moved by a man giving his only jacket to a dying dog. They wouldn’t be wrong to think it was caring but it was only a small victory. Christian had given up something he had been given and didn’t really like. Elsewhere in the world a mother hen was devoured by a fox while covering her chicks under her wings; a gentle husband and father placed his mortal body between his family and the horrors of war. Even they did not face great battles, any talk of pacifism or flight would be a betrayal; it would be an abomination. Up to this point Christian had not fought a battle or earned a victory; he had merely displayed the bare nakedness of the man he was raised and saved to become.

Christian’s battle was not for Michelle’s life, which was lost before he knew. His battle was to revenge her against the indifferent and sensible slayer of men and Michelle. Her only help would come from those greater than him. Animal Control, or whoever, would subdue, sedate and save her, read her name and call her family. Christian saw there was only one way it could go.

Long ago Tinsel, the majestic german shepherd, had been put to sleep by Christian’s mother. It was after a long life that was being over-overwhelmed by illness and anguish. She was humanely put to rest surrounded by the loud weeping of a caring family. Mom believed that Tinsel was the canine personification of her own motherly spirit. She was the only one who could have made the decision and she painfully chose out of love. Still Mom had stayed in bed for a whole week after the experience. Sensible family members did not understand how the end of Tinsel’s life was the beginning of Mom’s homelessness; just as Gee’s pregnancy was the beginning of her recovery.

The only desperate hope Christian held on to was that Michelle would breathe her last surrounded by her weeping family in the same way. This would require the aid of those who carelessly passed him by as if the walls of their cars demarked the end of creation. Christian was not against technology and though many of his friends and peers had cell phones Christian did not. This was simply a matter of expense and it was a time in Christian’s life when a cell phone would have been a luxury rather than a way of life. This put him in the blessing and curse of poverty: the need to ask for help.

Though little time had passed the traffic on the freeway had cleared up enough so that the average speed was somewhere between twenty and thirty miles per hour. After the pace the motorists had been enduring this would have been quite delightful. This pick up in the pace on the freeway made the even greater speed of the frontage road more tempting like a bite of food increases rather than decreases the appetite. Speed is a powerful stimulant. It seems to promise that if one could just move quickly enough they could escape the four walls of their cars and the four walls of traffic and the four walls of the prison of their sensible little life. The addiction of speed is the belief that if a person moves quickly enough one day they will never need to hurry ever again. Beyond the speed of light there is a place where one can sit restfully surrounded by happy children and a family dog. Those tempted by the delight of increasing power and control of their environment are those least likely to slow down and help someone on the side of the road. After all people could get robbed or killed that way. It was not sensible to stop on the side of the freeway to help a stranger who might need help, not sensible at all.

This illusion would be Christian’s enemy. First, he politely stood by the side of the frontage road imagining that someone would see him, slowly and safely come to a stop and ask him if he needed help. He then tried calmly waving to the passing cars. Christian would have waved a little more urgently but felt that this would have frightened motorists. Many sensible people who admire and respect Christian also believe that he is a little naive.

The traffic, however, was more than indifferent to his need. Several cars belligerently honked their horns at him as if I were disturbing the sanctity of their octane powered orgasm. One car slowed enough to throw a soda at him while yelling obscenities. This is a sensible reaction and should be expected if you think about it there was no good reason for him to be at the side of the road in such a way.

It was after this that Christian would have to face my true battle. He realized he could not make the indifferent care anymore than I could heal Michelle’s wounds. But up to this point he had been reasonably sensible or at least polite to the sensibility of others. He had always walked the line between what is sensible and what is right. His silence let it appear that he gave lip service to Moloch while in my heart I never cherished those golden calves. Meek and mild was nice and fine but when the horn signals the charge a person must either slink away a failure or else valiantly lift his banner high and proudly charge towards the front.

So Christian stepped out into the middle of the frontage road that had taken Michelle’s youth away, he placed his mortal body in the middle of the road so that none could remain indifferent. He wisely didn’t actually want to be hit so did wave his arms energetically, but his legs were firmly placed on the solid ground. He didn’t think it was likely that even the heady pleasure of speed would lead someone to actually run him over but it was not outside the realm of possibility. Certainly at this time he was not placing his trust in a general respect for the sanctity of life. If anything he would say his only protection was the belief that running him down would have been more of an inconvenience than stopping for him. But beyond that he was putting his trust in the fact that there actually are some things worth dying over.

Christian stood defiantly in the middle of the road that yearly killed more men than handguns. There were no witnesses except a dying dog and yet Christian was standing in front of the whole world of sensible people and openly declaring “I AM NOT ONE OF YOU!“ He was placing his immortal soul between the world and the horrors of hell. If had been Christian himself it would have been too great of a trail but he was not alone and if any victory was to be had it was because of this truth. Still at this moment Christian stood in the middle of a highway for no greater reason than the fact that a dog was dying on the side of the road.

The first car he tried to stare down was a beat up pickup truck with an elderly Mexican man in the driver’s seat and a dog in shotgun. It was rather anticlimactic. The driver didn’t resent seem to resent Christian for holding him up. His eyes did not accuse him of insubordination, of being part of a divine rebellion. He seemed mildly concerned but unworried as if it was just someone in need in of little help.

“Do you have a cell phone?” Christian shouted out as politely as possible.

He poked his head out the window and answered “No.” with a heavy Mexican accent. Christian moved aside to let him pass. The man paused and asked if anyone was hurt. “A dog on the side of the road.” was Christian could say and felt rather stupid.

Behind the pickup truck a car had been forced to stop because of the considerate Mexican’s question. The car honked at him and me and the whole world for being so cruel to it. That car had a man trapped inside who yelled obscenities at Christian as he passed.

Still Christian would have to make war against the freeway a second time. As soon as there was a break in the passing cars he planted himself in the middle of the road again and waved his arms to be seen. This time the care he stopped was an expensive Jaguar with a successful seeming business man in the driver’s seat. He seemed to personify all of the hopes and expectations Christian’s sensible family members had for him. Expectations he was now openly rejecting.

Christian met the drivers eyes immediately locked in what would become a battle of wills. The motorist immediately looked into Christian’s demeanor and knew this was nothing he would consider an emergency.

“Out of my way,” the driver’s eyes commanded as the sun shined brightly on his expensive automobile.

“No.” was all Christian’s eyes said.

“I could just run you over,” his eyes threatened. The powerful engine purred in bloody readiness.

“And increase your insurance premiums?” Christian’s eyes mocked, his proximity to sensible people taught him the depths of their hearts.

“Well,” the man’s eyes reasoned, “I could just move ahead slowly. You couldn’t stop me.”

“Oh,” Christian’s eyes laughed, “But I might scratch your lovely Jag.” Christian’s eyes said nothing more.

“Ugh,” the man’s eyes relented in guarded desperation. “What do you want?”

Christian felt no embarrassment that he extorted charity from this man, this man who still hadn’t even opened his window to find out what was needed.

“Do you have a cell phone?” Christian yelled out while making a phone signal with his hand. The man nodded and reached over to pick up his top-of-the-line PDA cell phone. Seeing his expensive toy a sense of power grew in him. When his eye contact broke from Christian his anger increased again. It was as if a random pedestrian had knocked on the door of his home, his private residence, while he was in the bathroom, while he was on the toilet and knocked and knocked until answered and then had the audacity to come inside only to use his phone! When their eyes met again the man’s eyes raged like a lake of fire.

Christian signaled the numbers “nine, one, one.”

“Oh you better believe I am calling the police,” the man’s eyes said. But Christian was immune to his rancor. It was impotent rage. Perhaps he would never join his country club or wouldn’t get that home loan but Christian was not one of him. The man had called the highway patrol and that was all I required. Christian had won.

Now, if Christian weren’t white he might have been a little more nervous about having to explain all of this to a police officer. But as it was, he was not only white but a clean cut white kid with no criminal record and a list of reference from pastors, school teachers and sensible home owners declaring that he was a “a good guy, a little naïve but a good guy.” So Christian was content to walk over to the fence where I could see Michelle’s slow and painful breathing without disturbing her. He pleasantly smiled and waved at the Jaguar as it drove past him to God knows where.

Christian sat a good ten minutes before anything happened. He saw his mom drive by on the overpass and imagined his mom and sister seeing him sitting by the side of the freeway doing nothing. But as he sat there next to the freeway a woman in her car saw him, slowed her car down and came safely to a halt. She got out of her car and walked towards Christian asking “Do you need any help?”

Christian’s first reaction was that there must be something wrong with this woman. Then their eyes met.

“There is so much to live for,” her eyes pleaded. “Don’t do it.”

This woman thought he was thinking about suicide. She had stopped on the side of the freeway and exposed herself to danger from cars and maybe a dangerous man. This would have been easy to explain if she were ugly seeming or lonely seeming but she was just a normal woman neither too young nor too old. Christian blushed like Adam meeting Eve. Embarrassed he spoke words about this dog on the side of the road but his eyes said “I am one of you!”

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked as he looked down at the ground.

“Oh, yeah, animal control or whoever is on the way, and my mom is waiting with my car up there on the overpass.” Christian couldn’t say anything else except to thank her for caring and she drove away.

Not that much longer a highway patrolman approached Christian. He had parked his cruiser somewhere further down the road where it wouldn’t be in danger of being hit. He was a muscular black man and walked towards Christian behind dark sunglasses and one hand near his holster.

It took the officer about two seconds to figure out what Christian was not: crazy or dangerous. Most people with any experience with authority quickly come to see Christian as a tall and rather well behaved child. Regardless of what the highway officer thought he saw in Christian he was trained to be exceedingly polite and exceedingly careful, his hand was only away from his holster once.

“Good afternoon, sir,” he said with authority. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Did someone call you about the dog?” Christian ask naively.

“No, sir,” he replied. “I received a call about a pedestrian on the side of the highway.”

“Yeah,” Christian answered half laughing, half embarrassed “That would be me.” The call to the police probably had a lot stronger words than “pedestrian.” Christian explained briefly about seeing the dog and not being able to get the tags. “So I tried to get someone to call animal control.”

He didn’t mention a lot of things. But his jacket on Michelle and his eyes said a lot more than his words. After this the patrolman softened a great deal. He was still very businesslike and efficient but he put his authority away as if he were off duty and dealing with a young man he had seen grow up.

Christian turned the whole thing over to him. There was nothing more he could do. He noticed that he actually pretty cold. The patrolman was talking into his radio Christian stopped paying attention to him.

“Well,” he said after a minute, “animal control is on their way. Where is your car?”

“My mom is up there on the overpass.” Christian said pointing. He could see Angelica driving past.

“Go ahead and walk up there from here,” he said.

“There is nothing more I can do,” Christian thought to himself unconvincingly. Most likely Michelle would die alone, if she wasn’t dead already. Her guardians would receive a phone call that was cold and clinical telling them that she had been hit by a car. There was a chance that they could have been called before Michelle was euthanized. She could die surrounded by weeping, caring family members. But there was also a chance her family was rich and could buy all of the medical costs to give her a new hip or legs or spine. She would soon be happily playing with other dogs on a farm far away from this freeway and all of our sinfulness. “There is nothing more I can do,” he said to himself again and received no comfort from the words.

But before he left the highway patrol man took off his sunglasses with his left hand and looked Christian in the eyes while shaking my hand with his right. “Well done, young man,” his eyes said.

Still Christian walked towards the overpass feeling like a failure when the Word of the Lord came upon him and declared “IF I WOULD SEND YOU, MICHAEL, A BELOVED ONE, TO CARE FOR ONE DYING DOG. WHAT WOULD I NOT DO FOR OTHERS WORTH SO MUCH MORE?” Like most miracles this message was in one ear and out the other.

When Angelica pulled up Christian was shivering.

“What happened?” Gee asked.

“She was hit by a car. I got someone to call animal control.”

“Did they say what they were going to do for her?” his mom asked as she scooted over to let him drive. “I mean she will probably need surgery!”

“Damn it, Mom! Don’t be stupid. They are going to put her to sleep! No one does reconstructive surgery for stray dogs on the side of the road! Grow up!”

“Jeeze, Michael,” Gee said after a minute, embarrassed by Christian’s inexplicable and uncharacteristic anger.

“Well, you don’t know what they are going to do,” Mom said defensively. “But if decent people were in charge of this world even stray dogs would get everything they need.” In her own hurt she added “You should learn to control your temper.”

Christian didn’t say anything and before long his mother was continuing on and on about everything pre-natal. Gee was again silently staring out the window and Christian drove on, as if nothing had ever happened.

Blogs Please

My friends don't blog enough. It seems like the only way I can sort of keep up with people is by their facebook status but really I like reading my friend's paragraphs. Growing up means we do not have the same amount of time to invest in each other and I miss the specialness of my friend's personalities. Each of them has a certain flavor that is distinctive and says "this is me."

Reading blogs is, for me, second best to spending several hours sitting in a coffee shop talking about nothing or everything. Actually reading blogs is third after lengthy involved correspondences... which it seems only I am the least bit capable of.

But so it is. I know who my friends are and time can only diminish that to a certain point. I am lucky to have so many good friends to miss and fortunate to know we are going to be important to each other even if we never spend as much time as we did in our twenties.

Car Troubles

About a month ago I had attempted to go to the beach on a beautiful but hot summer day. Half way there Victoria (my car) started to over heat. It has had some overheating issues in past summers, especially if it sat idle after a long drives. I described it on Facebook and there was a general consensus that it was probably just my car being out of water and it was not that big of a deal. The next day there was no problem and no problem since then... though I never attempted anything like the Santa Cruz mountains.

Well Jem had an excellent (wonderfully planned) trip for the family to Felton. The feature was the Singing Saw Festival but really it was just an excuse to hang out with family and some of Jemuel's friends. The morning before Gramps expressed concern that maybe Victoria couldn't make a trip like that. I didn't think it would be an issue. I had made sure the fluids were fit and didn't expect any problems.

On the trip up Victoria started t overheat and by the time we got to the festival all of the water was out of the engine. I felt prepared. I refilled the fluids but she never stopped running hot. We drove slow up the mountain but she never stopped running hot. It was just me and my buddy Greg. We took a break in Los Gatos watched the second quarter of the Hall of Fame preseason game and checked the radiator fluids again.

We got maybe a couple of miles but she still ran hot. But the heat gage went way higher than it had ever gone before. I got scared so I got off the freeway and called for a tow truck.

Mike came to pick me up after Victoria was towed to a AAA auto shop and I went home.

Now I don't know that much about engines, if it is serious or expensive. My financial aid check should be in the mail any day now (I've been saying for seven days) but though I do struggle with fears and concerns I know that my life belongs to God and that He has wonderful, amazing, great, beyond belief plans for my life. I don't know if those plans include Victoria much longer... though I don't think the car problems are THAT serious, it is just that as important it was for me to be responsible enough to pay for a whole car loan my life is not measured that way.

I have and can again live riding a bike. I don't know how that will work when school starts up again but again my life iss not measured by the Credential Program either... though I will be begging, borrowing (not stealing) to make that work. The main point of my life, what I will be measure by is Christ's love for me. That is something I can rest secure with... though I'd like to drive Victoria for several more years.

full kant paper

Godly Philosophy
Michael Gardner 
Solomon wrote that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. Socrates said that his wisdom was to know he was not wise. It seems that Kant would say “by the proper application of reason I am wise.”Perhaps he could defend this break from the ancients by saying his enlightenment is the result of a mature wisdom. Still, for the individual in Kant’s path there is no place for humility except for the shameful self-incurred variety. This self-incurred humility either occurs in the individual who will not “boldly, dare to know” or else in the priest who, as a hired man, instructs others in the most difficult and costly life choices which he may or may not believe. Other than in the sad cases of cowardice and hypocrisy, no individual acknowledges anything superior to their own individual human reason. Rather each thinking man is lord over his own mind and looks to no other for wisdom.
Kant’s paradigm recognizes the possibility for error in reason but this is to be solved by free public discourse, which is of course just the massive application of individual human reason. It is only by this Darwinian environment of ideas that a subject of thought can become mature. This supposes that the great tragedies, the great follies and great evils of human history occurred because of a lack of applying human reason rather than through the relentless and reoccurring application of that human reason to tragic, foolish and unabashedly wicked ends. If human reason were naturally as trustworthy and noble as Kant supposes one would wonder how in human history it had been unnaturally subjugated so that the majority in Kant’s day preferred self-incurred ignorance. Either some humans used their reason to subjugate others and were near universally able to do so against other humans capable of reason or else some evil genius interfered with human’s reason so that the majority became clouded by ignorance. In either case Kant’s theory supposes that for no stated reason the subjugating humans will now no longer be successful or else that evil genius has for no stated reason ceased to cloud human reason. Kant’s paradigm supposes that in his day and age reason could rule when in past times it could not.
Biblical Christianity recognizes that human reason is intended as one of the greatest blessings from God. It should be strengthened, protected and encouraged in all people, just like we should all seek, protect and encourage physical or financial or social health in ourselves and other. But none of these obvious goods ought to be elevated or trusted with supremacy. We live in a world which corrupted by sin; our reason, body, world and society is infected with a changeable untrustworthiness. Scripture points out that in a man’s heart his own way almost always seems good, even when it leads to destruction. The mind can deceive itself and has a limit to how much truth it will accept. But even if the world were not corrupted, as it once was not, reason would not be meant to be the supreme judge of right and wrong. Reason is not meant to be our god.
What is more there are some issues which reason, even a sinless reason cannot answer but even in theory could only be answered by trust in God (faith). Suppose I have been promised by the God that I need not worry but all of my life will be redeemed by His righteousness. Reason can only judge what is evident and at hand. In the front of what by all evidence appears to be total annihilation reason would demand the failure of that promise. By definition, reason cannot trust beyond what it apprehends. So in the absence of loved ones, in grave danger and death reason can only respond with grief, terror and despair. But experience has shown us in many forms, great and small, that reason has shown itself false and faith, which responded with trust, courage and hope, has proved correct.
This raises the question why do I study the methods of reason and seek to teach others to do the same. The answer may not be pleasing to the rationalist paradigm which I acknowledge as common wisdom, but my answer is that I am following God. It seems God wills not only that we trust his promises but also that we begin to understand His will. Reason serves in this endeavor. His message does not depend upon reason but it is can be known by reason. Therefore a strong mind, capable of discussing abstracts, discovering error, asking questions and understanding answers, is a good thing and to be desired for all people. What is more that Kant’s model of a society of free exchange of ideas is also desirable because reason in its proper place, beneath God, is a good thing.

Cristian Critism of "The Wrestler"

Note: Plenty of spoilers. I recommend you not read this if you think you might see "The Wrestler." If you are sensitive to nudity in movies, read the blog and do not watch the movie.

I watched "The Wrestler" last night. The movie advertised itself as "deeply affecting" and this was true. It started much like a documentary, simply chronicling the sad state of the wrestler. But the first half of the movie did not create much sympathy in me. It would suck to have been a famous wrestler then to be reduced to playing in small events but it seemed honest work. Randy the Ram was a part of a community that liked and respected him, it would matter to much to me that he no longer was a super star.

The strip club scenes were perhaps gratuitous but the director did an excellent job of making the Pam character a female equivalent of Randy. I would not wish Pam a better stripping career but can sympathize with the feeling of helplessness associated with aging and not being able to perform. My sympathy for Pam bridged to a sympathy to Randy. It was also touching to see that Pam and Randy did share a sincere friendship.

Yet, it was Randy's relationship with Stephanie, his estranged daughter, that was "deeply affecting." Absentee fatherhood is a serious American issue and the damage it does was very well represented. Understanding how it would change someone's life to be able to love and be loved by a long lost father broke my heart with caring and hope. I could also hope that the movie would not end in failure because Randy seemed too worn out and used up to screw it up... which did not end up being the case.

Jonathon pointed that Randy failed because "he could not give up his 80's rock and roll lifestyle." There is some truth to that and a night of sin did put him in a situation to fail his daughter when she was started to trust him. But that is not why Randy was destroyed. It was not sin that was his destruction but a lack of faith. When his daughter expelled him for his failure Randy was offered another saving grace in Pam but he refused to believe that there was a saving love outside of the ring.

The troubling part of Randy's decision is that there is a fair chance that he would have survived the match. He could have lived, lost Pam and Stephanie and gone back to his trailer alone. Really from an eternal perspective it didn't matter if he died in the ring or a month or decade later. Anytime left living without faith in the grace given him would have been the front porch of hell. Of course if he lived there is always a chance for him to receive grace but the film as a time-line did represent how a person could choose their own damnation.

My heart goes out to Stephanie because she too refused to believe in the grace given her. If she could have forgiven her father, endured through the hurt she could have saved her father and herself, too. The consequences of her refusal, though understandable, went beyond simply her life.

Less meaningful comments:
I loved the ridiculous nature of the wrestling: the bad guy begging, arguing with the ref. It was very silly.
Who in the heck is Micky Rourke?

1st Half of Kant Paper

Solomon wrote that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. Socrates said that his wisdom was to know he was not wise. It seems that Kant would say “by the proper application of reason I am wise.”Perhaps he could defend this break from the ancients by saying his enlightenment is the result of a mature wisdom still for the individual in Kant’s path there is no place for humility except for the shameful self-incurred variety. This self-incurred humility either occurs in the individual who will not “boldly” “dare to know” or else in the priest who, as a hired man, instructs others in the most difficult and costly life choices which he may or may not believe. Other than in the sad cases of cowardice or hypocrisy, no individual acknowledges anything superior to their own individual human reason. Rather each thinking man is lord over his own mind and looks to no other for wisdom.
Kant’s paradigm recognizes the possibility for error in reason but this is to be solved by free public discourse, which is of course just the massive application of individual human reason. It is only by this Darwinian environment of ideas that a subject of thought can become mature. This supposes that the great tragedies, the great follies and great evils of human history occurred because of a lack of applying human reason rather than through the relentless and reoccurring application of that human reason to tragic, foolish and unabashedly wicked ends. If human reason were naturally as trustworthy and noble as Kant supposes one would wonder how in human history it had been unnaturally subjugated so that the majority in Kant’s day preferred self-incurred ignorance. Either some humans used their reason to subjugate others and were near universally able to do so against other humans capable of reason or else some evil genius interfered with human’s reason so that the majority became clouded by ignorance. In either case Kant’s theory supposes that for no stated reason the subjugating humans will now no longer be successful or else that evil genius has for no stated reason ceased to cloud human reason.
Considering these reservations against the infallibility of human reason it becomes necessary to explain why I study philosophy and am pursuing a career in education, which is primarily about strengthening
...

Practicing What I Preach

In my Bible study of 1 John I point out that the word practice has two popular uses: 1) to do something "I practice law" 2) to do something with the intention of doing it better. This post is referring to the second kind of practice. I am trying to get better at doing the kind of annoying advice I give to most complainers, in particular the kind of complaints directed against other people.

I insist that the offended person look at the issue from the perspective of the other person, give them the best possible motivations, practice sympathy rather than judgment, etc.

So I was recently slighted by some people in a not very important way but it still hurt my feelings. The strict interpretation of my constant advice is to train my thoughts against imagining their dislike of me. It is all too natural for me to start thinking "They don't like me... I don't fit in... I am an outsider." [I am aware of the "embrace the solitude" individualist perspective and reject it as inhuman]. My advice would be to train your thoughts against the negative interpretation of their actions and focus on the best interest of others. But that is not happening...

So I practice what I preach. I might not win this fight or it might take months to convince myself that these people do not dislike me or if they do that it a mistake on their part, or something like that. Until then the best I can do is practice at it. I have been disliked before, fairly and unfairly and there have been times with increased time together I have made new friends and earned respect (this happens a lot at work where my offensive nature sometimes gets the first impression). and it is possible that a person can get to know me and still think little of me and that is something I have been okay about (I have never been bothered by those who dislike my attitudes toward money).

So I guess what I practice at this point is 1) not dwelling on the hurt/offense 2) not striking out at others because of it. It is a mental battle which I might sometimes lose but that is why I want all the more to practice what I preach. It is better to try to live in peace with others and mess up then to separate from any who offend (anyone can) or not even try to live in peace.

btw sometimes separation is the best path but even then the hope is for some future re-connection and this particular case is nothing so drastic. That is a sort of nuclear option.

"Fiscal conservatives grumble over tab for reform"

pre-script: Hey Martin, I just tagged you because I know this is one of your core issues, but you aren't specifically mentioned.

The SF Chronicle posted an article(http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2009/07/20/MNAR18QUG7.DTL) about House Speaker Pelosi having difficulty getting her ten year, trillion dollar Health Care Reform Bill through the Congressional Budget Office. It is a pretty ambitious bill, covering pretty much anyone making between 43K and 88K, excepting illegal immigrants. I am guessing that exception is a compromise to make the bill more palatable, but think that the courts could very easily make it so that immigrants would have to be included or else throw out the bill if it were passed. There is a pretty high tax increase for those making 350K and businesses with payrolls above 250K and an even bigger bump for individuals making more than a million.

However, Democrats which the article repeatedly names as "conservative Democrats" have criticized the bill because it will almost certainly increase the federal deficit. I think that if the bill is having trouble in the house (the most radical part of congress) that it will die in the Senate (which is always more conservative). But what is more interesting to me is the politics within the actual Democratic Party.

The article reads: "Liberal Democrats warned conservatives that there would be hell to pay if they brought down the president's top initiative and denied health care to millions, while conservative Democrats warned that mounting federal debt and new taxes, especially on small businesses, would be the party's undoing."

I'm always interested in battles for the heart and soul of a party, Republican or Democrat. I usually root for the moderates on either side

Mandatory Reporter Paper (review)

Ahoy hoy,
This is my paper review for the law roudntable in Dr. V's 5311 class. If you are tagged it is because you are either in my credential program or else are on the teacher track as well. Feedback is okay.
If it seems a little long for the roundtable assignment... I think you are correct.
BTW pastors are also mandatory reporters.
p.s. team 50 don't forget the cover page.
....

Roundtable 1











Law Roundtable- Mandated Reporting
Sabina Nizami
Michael Gardner




TED 5311
Dr. Bette Vervais
July 16, 2009 In American it is estimated that one in four children are victims of abuse. This can be physical, sexual and emotional, but it all has long lasting, and even generational, effect. As teachers we have a special role on the lives of our students, spending more hours during a week with the child than any other adult. Students will look up to, trust and depend on us. This creates a responsibility which we can not morally abandon. But as teachers there are also legal requirements and protections concerning abuse and the reporting of abuse which we need to know. This discussion will introduce the legal standards of teachers concerning reporting observed and even suspected abuse, including our legal status as mandatory reporters, how to correctly report abuse and some signs of abuse.
As teachers we are legally classified as mandatory reporters. This means that we must report abuse and suspected abuse or else face the risk of up to six months in jail and a fine of up to a thousand dollars,# to say nothing of thee possibility of seriously endangering a child. Congress passed the Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act in 1974 which states:
a mandated reporter shall make a report to [the police, sheriff’s department, county probation department or county welfare department] whenever the mandated reporter, in his or her professional capacity or within the scope of his or her employment has knowledge or observes a child knows or reasonably suspected has been the victim of child abuse or neglect.#
This report is expected to be made as soon as practically possible by phone and must be followed by a formal written report within 36 hours.
Being a mandated reporter also provides legal protection form civil and criminal prosecution for reporting abuse and suspected abuse. This means that you can not be sued for reporting a reasonably possible suspicion. You also can not even be identified as the reporter unless there is a court order to that effect.
It is not necessarily expected that every mandated reporter should be an expert at diagnosing or recognizing abuse but the law defines the reasonable suspicion we must be “objectively reasonable for a person to entertain a suspicion, based on the facts that could cause a reasonable person in a like position… to suspect child abuse or neglect.”# We can list some signs but ultimately what the law requires is something like common sense, depending on your experience and training with cases of abuse.
It is natural that when the subject of child abuse is made someone’s responsibility that it would cause strong feelings that are difficult to deal with. It might even be normal to want to avoid the issue. However, even aside from our legal responsibility we should remember that the reason we choose to teach. We want to improve the lives of people when they are most receptive to help. It is a great gift to teach children to read, strengthen and expand their mind but it pales in comparison to helping preventing abuse. It is even possible to save someone’s life. We can not save everyone but we can and we must be willing to make a difference.

Why I Write

Ha, ha, the obvious answer (obvious if you write) is that I write to get these thoughts out of my head. I heard someone say something I've said about my own writing: it is like vomiting on a piece of paper. In mentality I actually agree with Robert Heinlein (or his character Lazarus Long "it is perfectly acceptable if you write just so long as you do it in the privacy of your home and wash your hands when you are done."

But I guess what I am trying to articulate is what I think is beneficial about writing or any kind of art. What is actually good about Jemuel or Martin's music, Mike's comics? I don't think this will be why we do it but maybe could be a standard by which I (or some other high and mighty A-hole) judge our overall success. I think what makes art different from mere self expression (which is good and fine) is that art provides the audience (and artist) a vocabulary for understanding their feelings.

For example, Martin has a number of kinds of songs, love songs, sad songs, intimate songs, ironic songs, etc. and while I do enjoy his romantic "baby baby baby" songs they don't "teach" me any new understanding of my own feelings. That is not because of anything missing from his songs but because the message of those songs is already very well developed in our vocabulary/understanding. But he has a couple of "she did me wrong" songs which do delve to put a difficult experiences into a form both the artist and audience can in some ways understand, accept/reject and articulate.

This understanding of art can be seen in how passionately younger people feel about their music. I once saw a ten year old girl lip syncing to a No Doubt song (this was a while ago) with all of the feeling AS IF she had any understanding what it felt like to go through what the song was about. I see now that she was actually practicing feeling that way and by sharing in their art got a glimpse (inoculation?) of how it really felt.

And though I am certainly prejudiced towards the literate/articulated portion of this: understanding the words; it has to be acknowledged that much of this internal vocabulary is from the music or pictorial aspects as well. For example (I'm lame) when I hear the beginning music or Lord of the Rings or (more respectable) the beginning music or "Silent all These Years" there is a non-literate understanding which I remember. If I look at "the Howl" or "starry nights" I do have a feeling. It might not have a very appropriate word attached to it as if all internal activity had an equal dictionary expression: "Silent all these Years" is = and exactly = to pensive. Making that definition longer does not solve this foolishness as if "Silent All These Years = and exactly = pensive+sad+healing+growing.

So when I write I am in some ways simply expressing myself, but rather than only letting the inside out I also steer my understanding towards a kind of expression. I imagine that my audience is someone like a teenage version of myself and I want him to be able to understand what he is feeling and what is happening. And that is the part of art which I am not the least bit shy about.

Happy Martin? You were mentioned.

Cycle of Doom

"Get right back on the horse" means that if you are learning to ride a horse and it throws you off that you should get right back on the horse. This teaches both you and the horse that eventually this will be mastered. A fall need not need define you.

When I fall it is for two reasons: there is something I want which naturally leads towards falling and the horse itself will throw me off.

The problem with the "get back on the horse" analogy is that both my desires and the comparative strength of the horse are hard wired... they are a part of our definition.

This leads to what Jackson's sermon called the cycle of doom: you try, fail, try harder, succeed for a while and then fail again (repeat to infinitude). This can lead to amazing accomplishments but never to peace, joy or success. For example, let's say my dad had been on the cycle of doom. As a young man he was a violent and wild father. He had some humbling experiences that taught him how horrible this could be so he tries to change. He does pretty good for a while but then loses his temper, hits the bottle and wakes up on the street. So he tries again and does a little better for a little while but then he loses his temper again and hits the bottle and maybe something else. This continues for forty or so years until near the end of the life he is a grizzled and humbled mountain man at AA who with pain and wisdom hard earned speaks of the effect of alcoholism. This old man is an amazing accomplishment and those who know only this part of his life say "What a great man."

My dad would never say this about himself because he knows his wisdom was built upon beaten sons and wives, abandoned children and self destruction that defies belief. The naive idealist would say "Oh but look at all the wisdom he has achieved and the good he has done! Was it not worth it?" I can say with some knowledge that my dad would give a friendly laugh like when he heard my teenage ideas but at his funeral all the people who knew him best were wounded by him. The tone of those who were his sons and wife was that of a terrible forgiveness born from grief and helplessness.

Imagine there was a president who through a lack of wisdom or experience did horrible horrible things which destroyed the lives of many people. But through his missteps the president became a better wiser person and at the end of his (or her) life did nothing but restitution. Would it undo the damage? Could his or her planted trees, children books read and moral lessons bring one dead son to life, heal the wounds?

The cycle of doom at it best produces toothless but wise old men and women who powerful but unwise men and women can safely ignore. And to tell the truth usually it does not even produce this. Most old people I know have a few teeth left and regret their age more than the lives they lived.

This is is why the best the secular position can offer is resignation. "That's the way it is." "It's the way of the world." "What can you do?" "Just get back on the horse."
...

The thing about learning to ride a horse is it is not something you actually do alone. You are never the first person who says "Get back on the horse."

The problem with the fall is that it resulted in two things I can not change: what I want and the strength of the horse. I might focus my desires so that I trade heroin for television and a prostitute for a wife (pick you addictions my dad said) but I can not change that I like to sit down and feel good or that sex is desirable.

The only way to escape the cycle of doom is help from someone who is not subject to it. Most world religions give fine, fine help to focus the cycle of doom to less destructiveness... until they mess up and kill a bunch of people and destroy families and communities burning the innocent and helpless alive for no reason at all.

The only escape is help from Someone who is not subject to the cycle of doom.

Heidiegger's last meaningful quote, at the end of his life, (and my favorite things about existentialism) was "Only a god could save us."

Entitlement

A political party is a somewhat random conglomeration of different interests that pretend to unite in order to share influence with each other. So let's say your key issue is the second amendment, the right to keep assault rifles. The NRA by itself certainly has some influence and political power in itself but when they are also backed by corporate deregulationists, small government advocates, pro-lifers, NAMBLA or whoever that lobby becomes more powerful. To be sure those lobbies may not care much about hunting or handguns but their passive inclusion grants a degree of extra legitimacy.

In "America The Book" the Daily Show writers mock this a little saying to someone thinking of running for office "do you support universal health care? Then you must also want a ban on assault weapons. Pro-limited government? Congratulations, you are also anti-abortion." (108) I can not help but imagine that a lot of these political alliances are arbitrary, what does government spending have to do with the abortion? Nothing except that all intelligent people think exactly as you do on this and all other subjects.

I've sensed a degree of antagonism or at least unease from the Libertarian branch of the Republican/conservatives I know who in particular do not favor the joining with social conservatives. There are varying reasons for this ranging from being a member of NAMBLA to anarchist tendencies. I will not be arguing for or against it, but was interested in making a some what logical connection between the politics of morality and government programs.

For my discussion I am distinguishing between Christianity and social conservatives. Of course it must be recognized that in American and most of Western civilization Social conservatives follow some variation of something like Christianity. But I distinguish the two based upon their stated objective:

Christianity's purpose is to declare God's message of redemption through Jesus Christ, equipping believers to do His will and caring for the needy.

The purpose of the social conservative is to enforce a set of moral rules, punishing transgressors and rewarding adherents but with the purpose of social harmony.

The two might sometimes join sides as Christianity does believe part of God's will is that we avoid sin and a social conservative might regard the church structure of Christianity as an expedient to their goals, but they are not the same. This can be seen in that their are Muslim, Confucian, Buddhist, Communist and all other kinds of social conservatives who are actually opposed to Christianity.

All of that to say why social conservatives are allied with fiscal conservatives! In particular when it comes to welfare and similar programs there is a logic between the two because one of the tenants of most social conservatives is the importance of hard work, earning one's own way and being a PRODUCTIVE member to society. When the government seeks to provide for the needs of some of the population it undermines the ideal that moral citizens ought to pay their own way. A fiscal conservative might not care how a welfare state will effect the character of society but a social conservative can scarcely be thought to think of anything else. So the two can be seen to share some common interests.

Poker is a game of odds and character

So I took Nate to play poker with the Outback guys and he said almost nothing the whole night and played maybe ten hands (and he slow played those ten) and he walked with maybe seventy bucks. That is a lot by our group standards.

So the first part about poker is simply knowing what the good hands are, knowing the odds. That is the easy part, a little math or a little experience and you are fine.

But the hard part for me is wanting to play every decent hand. There is something about an K/2 unsuited that says "this is your hand" and like a fool I play it. I joked once that the trick to paying poker is hating Satan. Satan says "play that hand" and so you have to say "I rebuke you Satan."

Kind of silly, but the point is that poker requires a degree of character. That is the kind of skill required, not simply the odds but the character that does not chase after every hand because "you never know."

Nate has that kind of character.

Ha ha if the game weren't some kind of spiritual exercise I wouldn't like it!

diet and exercise

So about last January I joined a gym. I'd been "thinking about" exercise for a super long time but in general I considered my motivations clouded by vanity and pride. I was sort of concerned about my long term health but that thought was always over shadowed by this impulse to be sexy. I am pretty sure if I were considered unbelievably attractive to women I wouldn't do much with it because with some believably good looks, a degree of charm and a certain kind of confidence I still do not have sharp teeth, so to speak. It is kind of like why I am not tempted by fast cars; my Honda is fast enough and if anything I ought to be slowing down. But that generally held personality did not prevent all kinds of static like influences. I still am partly a product of main stream America so there is an ingrained thought "muscle, sexy, good."

So I never joined a gym or worked out.

But Nate did. So when he kept doing it and invited me it felt more like a way to connect with a buddy and get healthy and it was an inexpensive gym (huge factor).

So I worked out with Nate and sometimes Jesse and Adam Richman.

To best summarize the positive change is described late on most Sunday nights. I will be driving back to Fremont taking Bev back to her Dad's house from Oakland. She invariably passes out. I would pick her up and carry her inside. Before hand I would think "Pretty soon Bev will be too old for me to do this." But I hadn't given her a ride home in a while after working out and the first time I lifted her it was amazing. That was after just a month.

What I have found that an increased real and perceived strength also increases my sense of manhood. Granted masculinity is a troubled concept, either in short supply or else exaggerated to peversity, but I have found in my walk with God that it is something which is a part of His creation. Manhood is something shaped by social construction but it is also a real thing, with a Godly purpose.

Now increasing and strengthening this virtue does have dangers... just like increasing education or horse-power has dangers. I am depending on the Holy Spirit and good friends that my interest in growing stronger does not ever exceed my interest in becoming holy.

Dexter and Jonathan

So one cool part of house sitting for Gramps is that I can keep up with Season 3 of Dexter on On-Demand.

I was introduced to the show by Jonathon. I liked it but I think that Jonathon and I have very much different interpretations of the show based upon our lives. I see the whole serial-killer thing as less than secondary the main thrust of the show and why it is successful is because the character Dexter is going through the kinds of things that are completely normal for a guy: compartmentalization, trust issues, the emotions of women. Jonathon seems to focus on the alienation that Dexter feels as if it were something particular to a small set of special people: serial killers and other moody loners.

I don't think there is any way to convince him that aside from killing people Dexter is a completely normal person and the way he processes emotion is common place. But oh well.

Dexter and Jonathan

25 things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I was not tagged to do this by anyone
2. I'm doing this instead of prepare for tonight's Bible Study
3. I am very arrogant and prideful and vain and am happy when people recognize this.
4. I get cold pretty easily and consider it horrible.
5. I keep the feet heater on in my car even in hot weather... I guess you could say I have a permanent case of cold feet.
6. I have only had one kissing girlfriend in my life and wish I hadn't had that many.
7. I do not consider myself shy.
8. I do consider myself judgmental.
9. I have coffee with my grandfather every Sunday morning.
10. I respect the idea of dogs more than cats but like/dislike animals on an individual basis.
11. I believe I am great with children.
12. I refuse to lose any argument with a child.
13. I freely admit to a child when I was wrong.
14. I defer to a child's parent authority regardless of what I think about their parenting abilities.
15. I do not like to cook for myself or others.
16. I probably eat very poorly.
17. I have never had more than five hundred dollars of credit card debt.
18. I am listening to the soundtrack to "Edward Scissorhands" right now.
19. I hate it when a text has a word underlined because of spelling errors. I especially hate it when it is a word that I am going to keep... like "scissorhands."
20. My sister is pregnant and when people ask me when she is due I can only shrug and guess something like three months.
21. I voted for President Obama and President Bush.
22. I wonder when Obama will no longer be underlined as a misspelled word.
23. I respect Jemuel more than anyone I have ever met... but do not want to be more like him!
24. I do not believe Jemuel will ever cease to be considered a misspelled word.
25. I will not tag anybody with this list.

Pres. Obama on Defense

President Obama has posted his position on all the big issues. In the following weeks I'm going to comment on his position. Check it out for yourself at www.whitehouse.gov but watch out my porn blocker won't let me go to www.whitehouse.com who knows what that means! who knows what that means.

Disclaimer I am very much a layman when it comes to military issues. I have values but not a whole lot of knowledge about the nuts and bolts of how it works. Here is what the President says:


President Obama and Vice President Biden will invest in a 21st century military to maintain our conventional advantage while increasing our capacity to defeat the threats of tomorrow. They will ensure our troops have the training, equipment and support that they need when they are deployed.

Invest in a 21st Century Military
meh... aside from funding what is the military asking for?

Expand to Meet Military Needs on the Ground:
I would support an increase of military population but are we talking about accountants/cooks/janitors/bureacrats necessary for the militray to function or actual fighting soliders.

Leadership from the Top:
I am in support of this.

Lighten the Burdens on Our Brave Troops and Their Families:
sounds nice

Build Defense Capabilities for the 21st Century

Fully Equip Our Troops for the Missions They Face:
okay

Review Weapons Programs:
I guess this is a nice way of saying that we will not be continuing n the Star Wars proggram.

Preserve Global Reach in the Air:

The Air Force gets the first nod. Meh, I'd give it to the fighting soliders which exist in all of the branches of the military.

Maintain Power Projection at Sea:

second nod to the navy.

National Missile Defense:
yeah they are cutting down missile defense

Ensure Freedom of Space:
yeah they are cutting star wars too

Protect the U.S in Cyberspace:

cool

Restore the Readiness of the National Guard and Reserves
Equip, Support, and Modernize the National Guard and Reserves: "They will make the head of the National Guard a member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff..." that seems huge to me and will ruffle a lot of feathers but I think will help maintain our local military population.

Develop Whole of Government Initiatives to Promote Global Stability
Integrate Military and Civilian Efforts:

meh, I am sure someone in the field understands this better than me.

Create a Civilian Assistance Corps (CAC):
If this is a means to split the military into fighting troops and support personel (with different classification and benefits) I support it.

Restore Our Alliances
Engage Our Allies in Meeting Our Common Security Challenges:

that's nice... we'll see how it goes.

Organize to Help Our Partners and Allies in Need:
"win hearts and minds in the process"
okay sounds cool.

Reform Contracting

Create Transparency for Military Contractors:

meh

Restore Honesty, Openness, and Commonsense to Contracting and Procurement:

I've heard that no-bid contracting is bad... that is about it.

President Obama on Civil Rights

President Obama has posted his position on all the big issues. In the following weeks I'm going to comment on his position. Check it out for yourself at www.whitehouse.gov but watch out my porn blocker won't let me go to www.whitehouse.com who knows what that means!

CIVIL RIGHTS


President Barack Obama has spent much of his career fighting to strengthen civil rights as a civil rights attorney, community organizer, Illinois State Senator, U.S. Senator, and now as President. Whether promoting economic opportunity, working to improve our nation's education and health system, or protecting the right to vote, President Obama has been a powerful advocate for our civil rights.

* Combat Employment Discrimination:
I am in favor.

* Expand Hate Crimes Statutes:
I am in favor with reservations.

* End Deceptive Voting Practices:
I am strongly in favor.

* End Racial Profiling:
I am strongly in favor though I recognize this will make law enforcement more difficult. But better a hundred criminals go free than one innocent be punished. If you disagree I suggest you volunteer to be the innocent who is punished.

* Reduce Crime Recidivism by Providing Ex-Offender Support:
I strongly support.

* Eliminate Sentencing Disparities: President Obama and Vice President Biden believe the disparity between sentencing crack and powder-based cocaine is wrong and should be completely eliminated.
I left the text on this one because the title does not suggest the text.
I am in favor, though believe that the classification of sentencing belongs to the judicial and legislative branch. The executive branch enforces the law; it does not write it.

* Expand Use of Drug Courts:
I am strongly in favor.

Support for the LGBT Community


* Expand Hate Crimes Statutes:
I am in favor though with reservations.

* Fight Workplace Discrimination:
I am in favor.

* Support Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples:
I am neutral.

* Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage:
I am not in favor with this position but without great interest.

* Repeal Don't Ask-Don't Tell:
I am not an expert on the specifics of this law but in general believe that this issue ought to be deferred to military personnel rather than civilian politicians.
Therefore I oppose this issue.

* Expand Adoption Rights:
Breaking with social conservatives I oppose a ban on gay adoption. We are all sinners and there is no reason that this one particular sin ought the be given extra weight in determining worthiness to parent. I wouldn't oppose allowing it to carry some weight but to be an absolute bar is unmerited.
Therefore I am in favor.

* Promote AIDS Prevention:

* Empower Women to Prevent HIV/AIDS:
In the last ten years this issue seems to be less and less a LGBT issue, but of course I support government action to prevent the spread of a deadly disease.