Cycle of Doom

"Get right back on the horse" means that if you are learning to ride a horse and it throws you off that you should get right back on the horse. This teaches both you and the horse that eventually this will be mastered. A fall need not need define you.

When I fall it is for two reasons: there is something I want which naturally leads towards falling and the horse itself will throw me off.

The problem with the "get back on the horse" analogy is that both my desires and the comparative strength of the horse are hard wired... they are a part of our definition.

This leads to what Jackson's sermon called the cycle of doom: you try, fail, try harder, succeed for a while and then fail again (repeat to infinitude). This can lead to amazing accomplishments but never to peace, joy or success. For example, let's say my dad had been on the cycle of doom. As a young man he was a violent and wild father. He had some humbling experiences that taught him how horrible this could be so he tries to change. He does pretty good for a while but then loses his temper, hits the bottle and wakes up on the street. So he tries again and does a little better for a little while but then he loses his temper again and hits the bottle and maybe something else. This continues for forty or so years until near the end of the life he is a grizzled and humbled mountain man at AA who with pain and wisdom hard earned speaks of the effect of alcoholism. This old man is an amazing accomplishment and those who know only this part of his life say "What a great man."

My dad would never say this about himself because he knows his wisdom was built upon beaten sons and wives, abandoned children and self destruction that defies belief. The naive idealist would say "Oh but look at all the wisdom he has achieved and the good he has done! Was it not worth it?" I can say with some knowledge that my dad would give a friendly laugh like when he heard my teenage ideas but at his funeral all the people who knew him best were wounded by him. The tone of those who were his sons and wife was that of a terrible forgiveness born from grief and helplessness.

Imagine there was a president who through a lack of wisdom or experience did horrible horrible things which destroyed the lives of many people. But through his missteps the president became a better wiser person and at the end of his (or her) life did nothing but restitution. Would it undo the damage? Could his or her planted trees, children books read and moral lessons bring one dead son to life, heal the wounds?

The cycle of doom at it best produces toothless but wise old men and women who powerful but unwise men and women can safely ignore. And to tell the truth usually it does not even produce this. Most old people I know have a few teeth left and regret their age more than the lives they lived.

This is is why the best the secular position can offer is resignation. "That's the way it is." "It's the way of the world." "What can you do?" "Just get back on the horse."
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The thing about learning to ride a horse is it is not something you actually do alone. You are never the first person who says "Get back on the horse."

The problem with the fall is that it resulted in two things I can not change: what I want and the strength of the horse. I might focus my desires so that I trade heroin for television and a prostitute for a wife (pick you addictions my dad said) but I can not change that I like to sit down and feel good or that sex is desirable.

The only way to escape the cycle of doom is help from someone who is not subject to it. Most world religions give fine, fine help to focus the cycle of doom to less destructiveness... until they mess up and kill a bunch of people and destroy families and communities burning the innocent and helpless alive for no reason at all.

The only escape is help from Someone who is not subject to the cycle of doom.

Heidiegger's last meaningful quote, at the end of his life, (and my favorite things about existentialism) was "Only a god could save us."