I was listening to Liz Phair's "Exile In Guyville" and I was moved by great sympathy for that girl at Outback with a reputation. I first learned about the reputation a gwhile back when so-and-so skipped out of poker with the guys to "hang out with her." I usually don't here about people's bad repuation because 1) people imagine that I am offended by sex 2) I am snide towards most forms of gossip. I wasn't very surprised to learn that girl had a repuation for putting out without commitments but immediatly felt sorry for her.
First, I also learned that night that despite my Christian principles that I am much less condemning towards sexual immorality. I don't know how much "they" are hypocrites but I was certainly suprised to hear some people speak against that girl and so-and-so for "hanging out." But in retrospect I must admit that Outbackers I have known have never been casual sexual practioners... or at least they have kept it quiet enough to stay off of my radar.
Second, I felt sorry for her because I can only imagine how she felt that she would call up an ex-boyfriend to "hang out." I am sure they both had fun but can not imagine that either of them felt very good about what was going on.
But blah, blah, blah, later I heard that some other Outbacker had started going out with some other Outbacker and then heard her tell him she didn't mind him hanging out with girls that were his friends... except for "you know who." Since I was almost eavesdropping (no inent but they were in a public place) I didn't ask who "you know who was" and after thinking about who they both knew and think that it was her.
Later when that couple broke up or something the guy got a big bruise on his arm and said that girl had bit him when they were both drunk.
To be sure it is all incomplete information and I am trusting my instinct on a lot of connections but I guess on the whole it doesn't really matter.
But then I am listening to Liz Phair's first album and am impressed by the musical sound but even more by how foriegn what she is singing about but yet how sympathetic it is. I can not help but thinking about that girl at Outback. I wonder is this what it feels like to be her? I think about how powerful words can be against a woman, how vulnerable a woman's heart is. I also feel how careless I will be as a husband and how much damage I might do and how much I don't want to hurt my far future wife.
But mostly I think that girl at Outback is trapped, in slavery if you will, by what she is doing.
So much to pray for...
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Review Cohen Brothers Reviewed
After "No Country For Old Men" I declared that the Cohen Brothers were my favorite directors. I haven't seen all of their movies and I haven't loved (or even liked) all of their movies but there has been consistent and long lasting greatness in their career in entertainment, talent and message.
Entertainment means did I actually like watching the movie. Lots of things can be entertaining... I mean I actually enjoy "Wild Strawberries." This grade is 50% did I enjoy it and 50% do I think others would.
Talent means that the movie is well directed, acted and written. "Memento" would get a good grade here but not everywhere else.
Message means that I affirm and agree with what I believe the movie to be "really about." Some messages, like Sandler's family values, are almost accidental and who cares what "Ace Ventura Pet Detective" was about. But generally if a movie doesn't get a good grade here I won't re-watch it or own it. I remember my first viewing of "The Godfather" as one of the best movie experiences of my life but do I need to see it again and again? Not really.
So here is a quick grading of the Cohen Brothers movies I've seen:
"Raising Arizona"
Ent: B+
Tal: B
Mes: B+
It has been a long long time since I've seen it so I was conservative with the grades. Chances are pretty good if I saw it again I would bump all those grades up a notch.
"Miller's Crossing"
Ent: B-
Tal: B
Mes: B+
I've only seen it twice. It was like a regular mobster movie except there is some kind of existential dilemma that confuses things. That struggle makes it less enjoyable but more meaningful.
"Barton Fink"
Ent: D
Tal: B
Mes: B-
This movie is everything people hate about movie snobs. The only reason it didn't get an F in entertainment is because if you are a movie snob you probably LOVED it. Still John Turturro is an amazing actor. He seems so natural to these awful art pieces but fit right into "Transformers" That in itself is worth five Oscars.
"The Hudsucker Proxy"
Ent: A+
Tal: A-
Mes: A-
Let the era of greatness begin! This was my favorite movie from '94 till I saw "Rocky" in 02. Talent was in some ways only good (B grade) but Jennifer Jason Leigh is unbelievably great and the set design is like a 1950s fairy tale.
"Fargo"
Ent: B
Tal: A
Mes: A
I'm glad it took me so long to see this movie. If I had seen it in 96 I'd have missed the key strengths. In some ways it is "Miller's Crossing", a crime movie with an existential dilemma, except that the message is seamlessly drawn in the movie.
"The Big Lebowski"
Ent: A
Tal: A
Mes: B+
This movie should get lower grades in entertainment and talent and ought to be like a much better "Barton Fink" except for that for some reason a lot of people "got it." I don't know why they got it but the results are undeniable. It was from this movie that I finally discovered the consistent theme of Cohen brother movies.
"O Brother, Where Art Thou?"
Ent: B+
Tal: B+
Mes: A
The popularity of this movie gives it a slightly better grade. It was also from this one that I learned that a consistent feature of Cohen brother movies is that they get better and better with re-watches unlike many Wes Anderson movies.
"Intolerable Cruelty"
Ent: B-
Tal: C
Mes: C+
I don't even like to think of it as a Cohen brother's movie. It is mediocre, Clooney is always charasmatic but can not make it re-watchable. I think this one was tampered by the Zeta-Jones' people.
"The Lady Killers"
Ent: C
Tal: C
Mes: C+
Maybe Hanks has people too, but this one is nothing great. I think the ending was what it ought to have been... but that is about all I could say about this one. It isn't bad but adds nothing.
"No Country For Old Men"
Ent: A
Tal: A
Mes: A+
Similiar to "Miller's Crossing" again in that it is a crime movie with the existential dilmia. But this time it is not seemlessly encorporated but hits you like "the stonethe builders rejected." But where "Fargo" exceeded in existential dilemia this exceeded in crime movie. Muffin hated Chigurh thinking he was supposed to be "pimp" but the Cohen's don't have "pimp" bad guys. The bad guys are always chumps. His rejection of the character is what people ought to have all done.
"Burn After Reading"
Ent: C+
Tal: C+
Mes: C
...meh. Maybe this one will make more sense when I have been middle age delt with the mid-life issues that these guys are dealing with. I am pretty sure the characters are supposed to be charactures of mid-life conflicts. I think the message is that none of these characters get it right. Inferior but not embaressingly so.
Entertainment means did I actually like watching the movie. Lots of things can be entertaining... I mean I actually enjoy "Wild Strawberries." This grade is 50% did I enjoy it and 50% do I think others would.
Talent means that the movie is well directed, acted and written. "Memento" would get a good grade here but not everywhere else.
Message means that I affirm and agree with what I believe the movie to be "really about." Some messages, like Sandler's family values, are almost accidental and who cares what "Ace Ventura Pet Detective" was about. But generally if a movie doesn't get a good grade here I won't re-watch it or own it. I remember my first viewing of "The Godfather" as one of the best movie experiences of my life but do I need to see it again and again? Not really.
So here is a quick grading of the Cohen Brothers movies I've seen:
"Raising Arizona"
Ent: B+
Tal: B
Mes: B+
It has been a long long time since I've seen it so I was conservative with the grades. Chances are pretty good if I saw it again I would bump all those grades up a notch.
"Miller's Crossing"
Ent: B-
Tal: B
Mes: B+
I've only seen it twice. It was like a regular mobster movie except there is some kind of existential dilemma that confuses things. That struggle makes it less enjoyable but more meaningful.
"Barton Fink"
Ent: D
Tal: B
Mes: B-
This movie is everything people hate about movie snobs. The only reason it didn't get an F in entertainment is because if you are a movie snob you probably LOVED it. Still John Turturro is an amazing actor. He seems so natural to these awful art pieces but fit right into "Transformers" That in itself is worth five Oscars.
"The Hudsucker Proxy"
Ent: A+
Tal: A-
Mes: A-
Let the era of greatness begin! This was my favorite movie from '94 till I saw "Rocky" in 02. Talent was in some ways only good (B grade) but Jennifer Jason Leigh is unbelievably great and the set design is like a 1950s fairy tale.
"Fargo"
Ent: B
Tal: A
Mes: A
I'm glad it took me so long to see this movie. If I had seen it in 96 I'd have missed the key strengths. In some ways it is "Miller's Crossing", a crime movie with an existential dilemma, except that the message is seamlessly drawn in the movie.
"The Big Lebowski"
Ent: A
Tal: A
Mes: B+
This movie should get lower grades in entertainment and talent and ought to be like a much better "Barton Fink" except for that for some reason a lot of people "got it." I don't know why they got it but the results are undeniable. It was from this movie that I finally discovered the consistent theme of Cohen brother movies.
"O Brother, Where Art Thou?"
Ent: B+
Tal: B+
Mes: A
The popularity of this movie gives it a slightly better grade. It was also from this one that I learned that a consistent feature of Cohen brother movies is that they get better and better with re-watches unlike many Wes Anderson movies.
"Intolerable Cruelty"
Ent: B-
Tal: C
Mes: C+
I don't even like to think of it as a Cohen brother's movie. It is mediocre, Clooney is always charasmatic but can not make it re-watchable. I think this one was tampered by the Zeta-Jones' people.
"The Lady Killers"
Ent: C
Tal: C
Mes: C+
Maybe Hanks has people too, but this one is nothing great. I think the ending was what it ought to have been... but that is about all I could say about this one. It isn't bad but adds nothing.
"No Country For Old Men"
Ent: A
Tal: A
Mes: A+
Similiar to "Miller's Crossing" again in that it is a crime movie with the existential dilmia. But this time it is not seemlessly encorporated but hits you like "the stonethe builders rejected." But where "Fargo" exceeded in existential dilemia this exceeded in crime movie. Muffin hated Chigurh thinking he was supposed to be "pimp" but the Cohen's don't have "pimp" bad guys. The bad guys are always chumps. His rejection of the character is what people ought to have all done.
"Burn After Reading"
Ent: C+
Tal: C+
Mes: C
...meh. Maybe this one will make more sense when I have been middle age delt with the mid-life issues that these guys are dealing with. I am pretty sure the characters are supposed to be charactures of mid-life conflicts. I think the message is that none of these characters get it right. Inferior but not embaressingly so.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Beach Boys vs. The Beatles
Once, years ago, Nate and I were argueing over who was more influential The Beatles or The Beach Boys. John Pack, who would normally stay out of these kinds of arguements, gave a common sense answer the ended the discussion. He said "In most things like there is room for more than one opinion, but in this case you just have to admit it is the The Beatles."
Ha
Though there ought to be no doubt who was/is the "bigger" band there is something than has always been prickling at me.
Through out my teen years I exalted in the later greater Beatles albums. There are few bands who I can identify their songs based on the context of the album it came out from. I mean all Pearl Jam feel pretty close to the same to me... though I guess I might be able to distinguish some of the difference with a little effort. However there is something in The Beatles missing that is not missing from The Beach Boys.
The Beatles have blown my mind... but I have never in my life listened to a Beatles song and felt sympathy from the song. I have never felt like "A Day in the Life" let alone "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." But with the Beach Boys I have listened to songs (Pet Sounds in particular) and though it described ways that I have felt.
The Beatles are beatiful like an exotic bird but The Beach Boys is emotionally familiar and accessible. The Beach Boys says more about my life then the Beatles.
Maybe it is an American vs British thing.
Ha
Though there ought to be no doubt who was/is the "bigger" band there is something than has always been prickling at me.
Through out my teen years I exalted in the later greater Beatles albums. There are few bands who I can identify their songs based on the context of the album it came out from. I mean all Pearl Jam feel pretty close to the same to me... though I guess I might be able to distinguish some of the difference with a little effort. However there is something in The Beatles missing that is not missing from The Beach Boys.
The Beatles have blown my mind... but I have never in my life listened to a Beatles song and felt sympathy from the song. I have never felt like "A Day in the Life" let alone "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." But with the Beach Boys I have listened to songs (Pet Sounds in particular) and though it described ways that I have felt.
The Beatles are beatiful like an exotic bird but The Beach Boys is emotionally familiar and accessible. The Beach Boys says more about my life then the Beatles.
Maybe it is an American vs British thing.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Family Trouble
I had a bad time with my Mom yesterday.
I think it started with playing too much video games on my lap top. I've sapped my spiritual energy on staring at a computer screen for hours all week. My bad.
Mom called me Saturday night around ten thirty pm. She is living in a hotel paid for by Social Security but is used to the Oakland/Alameda bus systems which runs all night. She ended up stranded in Union City Walmart with her electric wheel chair running our of battery power. She had been caught up in shopping at low low prices and didn't realize how late it was. What she wanted was not a ride but for me to meet her in Newark and drive beside her as she trekked the last mile to the Hotel 6. Now I am happy to help because I realize that the video games aren't at all important but there is no way I am going to do that. It makes me mad because it is so like my Mom. She never wants help she wants to be pampered. It makes me mad because the only reason she needs help in this instance is because she spent the last x hours pampering herself. Granted I was at this point pampering myself but if she had pampered herself x-1 hours she wouldn't have needed any help from anyone.
I say it would be a lot easier if we just lock the chair up at BART and then I drive her to the hotel until the next day when she can take the bus. (The chair weighs about three hundred pounds) She doesn't feel comfortable doing that, afraid that someone is going to steal her chair... even if it locked up and has no power. This makes me mad because when I need to ask for help I do everything I can to make it as easy for the person helping me. But then it seems like what she wants is not so much a ride home (simple help with a problem) but to be pampered (to see herself as a princess being served by willing inferiors). After some painful planning (intermingled with her harassing BART employee with requests for favors he/she doesn't want to do) we arrange for her to take the only late bus which luckily stops near my house. I will meet her there, we walk to my place, then lock up her chair, I drive her to the hotel and then the next day I can take her back.
My mom is a pretty cheerful person and most of the walk she is chatting about the neat little hat and slippers she got at Walmart and about the possibly imaginary lice and worms that she has but several hospitals can not find or identify.
When we get to my place I pull the car around for her to get in so I can put her chair away. I open the door for her and she says in a tone that only her own children would understand "Did you turn the heater on for me." the tone says "if you didn't it is because you are not a gentleman" and this is really what makes me mad. Up to this point it is just me helping my mom who needed help. But this colors everything that has happened and will happen, I feel that my Mom is not needing help but wanting to be spoiled. It is not as if she couldn't turn it on for herself. But I guess she would have to be your mom to understand.
On the way back she mentions how she doesn't have nay food at her room and wants to stop at a fast food place for lunch and dinner. There is a long line at this point because the Jack in the Box is the only place open so late. I am getting so frustrated by how I feel that she doesn't appreciate my help but expects my service. It makes me feel bad about all the times I have ever helped her because it seems like I have just been feeding her mental illness. I try to talk about how the situation is making me very angry but it doesn't go over very well. She is instantly defensive and starts talking about how when she was a girl people always took care of each other and if my Dad were around and how my biological father and how I am bi-polar.
Now about the whole bi-polar thing. I know bi-polar people and I'm pretty sure that is not my problem, but I think what she was saying is that she didn't understand why I was mad and thought it must be because of some kind of brain malfunction. Up to this point I have been the dutiful servant/son. It seems very natural to her that since she is still Shirley Temple that men ought to dote and spoil her like they did when she was six. That I would be mad seemed out of nowhere.
I drop her off at her room as she yells at me for being sick and disturbed.
The next day I get into an argument with Coral about similar subject: about how she accepts and receives help and care from me but does not find ways to return help or care to me. Her defense is that she doesn't make money so she has nothing to give. But that is another whole post. At the time I was also mad at Amber for the same thing but later I realized that Amber and I had had these conflicts a year or two earlier and managed a better understanding and give and take relationship based up mutual friendship, loyalty and respect.
I make plans to pick up Mom then next day. She schmoozes me into promising to pick her up early for the excellent Motel 6 complimentary coffee. It occurs to me later that I was schmoozed but that doesn't bother me. If a good sales person charms me I respect their ability to make giving feel like receiving. BUT because I was up to 1 am driving mom around and wake up at 7 on Sundays and have long trying Sundays (this one even more trying)I accidentally oversleep Monday morning. Yeah, my bad, but very much out of character.
But let's not be too quick to excuse me. I can understand Mom's frustration and anger after expecting coffee in the morning to have sit around and wait and have my phone be off. I can understand how that would feel. But because of my lack of spiritual strength I am in no mood to make up for it. She asks if we can stop somewhere to get coffee and I say no.
At this point I am just being an asshole. And then we pick up Amber.
Mom is all hostility. She is so mad about the coffee I become the personification of every man who has failed to treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Amber overlooks my stubbornness and gets into yelling matches with Mom defending me.
By the time we get to my place she is so mad she starts calling me the worst names.
...
Why I didn't get the coffee.
Once years ago I had a similarly themed argument with Mom. This was when she wasn't in a wheel chair. after an hour of her insisting that good decent people always got coffee and donuts for her and me insisting she didn't appreciate or respect what I did give we stopped arguing. Then she comes up and asks me to give her five cents.
My mom is not helpless or stupid or crazy. I wouldn't deny anyone else the coffee, especially if I was two hours late! But I won't be my mom's donkey (to borrow one of her terms). In retrospect...
no retrospect yet.
I think it started with playing too much video games on my lap top. I've sapped my spiritual energy on staring at a computer screen for hours all week. My bad.
Mom called me Saturday night around ten thirty pm. She is living in a hotel paid for by Social Security but is used to the Oakland/Alameda bus systems which runs all night. She ended up stranded in Union City Walmart with her electric wheel chair running our of battery power. She had been caught up in shopping at low low prices and didn't realize how late it was. What she wanted was not a ride but for me to meet her in Newark and drive beside her as she trekked the last mile to the Hotel 6. Now I am happy to help because I realize that the video games aren't at all important but there is no way I am going to do that. It makes me mad because it is so like my Mom. She never wants help she wants to be pampered. It makes me mad because the only reason she needs help in this instance is because she spent the last x hours pampering herself. Granted I was at this point pampering myself but if she had pampered herself x-1 hours she wouldn't have needed any help from anyone.
I say it would be a lot easier if we just lock the chair up at BART and then I drive her to the hotel until the next day when she can take the bus. (The chair weighs about three hundred pounds) She doesn't feel comfortable doing that, afraid that someone is going to steal her chair... even if it locked up and has no power. This makes me mad because when I need to ask for help I do everything I can to make it as easy for the person helping me. But then it seems like what she wants is not so much a ride home (simple help with a problem) but to be pampered (to see herself as a princess being served by willing inferiors). After some painful planning (intermingled with her harassing BART employee with requests for favors he/she doesn't want to do) we arrange for her to take the only late bus which luckily stops near my house. I will meet her there, we walk to my place, then lock up her chair, I drive her to the hotel and then the next day I can take her back.
My mom is a pretty cheerful person and most of the walk she is chatting about the neat little hat and slippers she got at Walmart and about the possibly imaginary lice and worms that she has but several hospitals can not find or identify.
When we get to my place I pull the car around for her to get in so I can put her chair away. I open the door for her and she says in a tone that only her own children would understand "Did you turn the heater on for me." the tone says "if you didn't it is because you are not a gentleman" and this is really what makes me mad. Up to this point it is just me helping my mom who needed help. But this colors everything that has happened and will happen, I feel that my Mom is not needing help but wanting to be spoiled. It is not as if she couldn't turn it on for herself. But I guess she would have to be your mom to understand.
On the way back she mentions how she doesn't have nay food at her room and wants to stop at a fast food place for lunch and dinner. There is a long line at this point because the Jack in the Box is the only place open so late. I am getting so frustrated by how I feel that she doesn't appreciate my help but expects my service. It makes me feel bad about all the times I have ever helped her because it seems like I have just been feeding her mental illness. I try to talk about how the situation is making me very angry but it doesn't go over very well. She is instantly defensive and starts talking about how when she was a girl people always took care of each other and if my Dad were around and how my biological father and how I am bi-polar.
Now about the whole bi-polar thing. I know bi-polar people and I'm pretty sure that is not my problem, but I think what she was saying is that she didn't understand why I was mad and thought it must be because of some kind of brain malfunction. Up to this point I have been the dutiful servant/son. It seems very natural to her that since she is still Shirley Temple that men ought to dote and spoil her like they did when she was six. That I would be mad seemed out of nowhere.
I drop her off at her room as she yells at me for being sick and disturbed.
The next day I get into an argument with Coral about similar subject: about how she accepts and receives help and care from me but does not find ways to return help or care to me. Her defense is that she doesn't make money so she has nothing to give. But that is another whole post. At the time I was also mad at Amber for the same thing but later I realized that Amber and I had had these conflicts a year or two earlier and managed a better understanding and give and take relationship based up mutual friendship, loyalty and respect.
I make plans to pick up Mom then next day. She schmoozes me into promising to pick her up early for the excellent Motel 6 complimentary coffee. It occurs to me later that I was schmoozed but that doesn't bother me. If a good sales person charms me I respect their ability to make giving feel like receiving. BUT because I was up to 1 am driving mom around and wake up at 7 on Sundays and have long trying Sundays (this one even more trying)I accidentally oversleep Monday morning. Yeah, my bad, but very much out of character.
But let's not be too quick to excuse me. I can understand Mom's frustration and anger after expecting coffee in the morning to have sit around and wait and have my phone be off. I can understand how that would feel. But because of my lack of spiritual strength I am in no mood to make up for it. She asks if we can stop somewhere to get coffee and I say no.
At this point I am just being an asshole. And then we pick up Amber.
Mom is all hostility. She is so mad about the coffee I become the personification of every man who has failed to treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Amber overlooks my stubbornness and gets into yelling matches with Mom defending me.
By the time we get to my place she is so mad she starts calling me the worst names.
...
Why I didn't get the coffee.
Once years ago I had a similarly themed argument with Mom. This was when she wasn't in a wheel chair. after an hour of her insisting that good decent people always got coffee and donuts for her and me insisting she didn't appreciate or respect what I did give we stopped arguing. Then she comes up and asks me to give her five cents.
My mom is not helpless or stupid or crazy. I wouldn't deny anyone else the coffee, especially if I was two hours late! But I won't be my mom's donkey (to borrow one of her terms). In retrospect...
no retrospect yet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)