Philipians 1

"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." Philipians 1:9-11

So I am not like Paul. I don't travel from town to town helping start new churches. Sure I tithe and teach Sunday school twice a month but the general life structures (work, school and so forth) is pretty much the same as it could have been if I had never become a Christian. One might say that Christianity might have once been useful to get my life on track but now that my life is "on track" Christianity seems to be window dressing to an otherwise normal life. This kind of thinking is horrifying when compared to what the Bible seems to expect (imitating Paul who imitates Jesus).

But at the same time I can say with confidence that despite my many weaknesses and failing that my life is defined by following the call of Christ. There is growing knowledge and discernment. This is usually concerning my own weaknesses and failings but also about God's grace through Jesus Christ, which alone is sufficient to justify my life despite my weaknesses and failings. There is growing approval of what is excellent and fruit (actions) of righteousness.

Paul had the circumstances available to travel from town to town. His old life was traveling from town to town (though to destroy not create Christian churches). The circumstances of my life are very much different in structure.

In theory I could leave this life structure behind, become a missionary and imitate Paul in that respect... but to do so would be to abandon my family. Now certainly there are Biblical precedents to support this decision but in my heart of hearts I do not think this is what God calls me to (there are also Biblical precedents to support this decisions).

In truth if I were left to my own inclinations, like say in the after-life, I would be much more inclined to live a some what isolated life, reading and writing in the quiet of my room till about lunch, then spending the day listening to my friends and family play music and hike with a small group through shady forests or perhaps at a misty beach. Dinner with the larger community followed by a bonfire where we all sing "Holy, holy, holy." Then off to bed.

I believe that this sort of life is waiting for me and I will start some of it here and now... but for the most part I do not chase after this in the way normal people chase after the things they want. Though Jemuel and Nitzsche disagree I firmly believe that this life, this world is not our home and not all we have to work with. So before I get what I really want I chase after what God has put in front of me.

God put apostleship, church founding, letter writing and prison in front of Paul and he ran towards it though it was, as he said, like him being poured out of a vessel. But in front of me God has put three imperfect, needy women in my family who have been abandoned by every man in their life and live on the razor edge between destitution and despair... and so like Paul I am being poured out like a vessel on what God has put in front of me.

Now if Paul and I are incorrect about this another world and another life after this one then I would have been much wiser to chase after my own inclinations here and now. But though I struggle I am putting my chips on what the Bible says as opposed to Nitzsche or who ever.