"Creepy Guy Teachers"

I was having a conversation with a group of friends about my experience at teaching so far. I have just gotten used to the 1st grade class I am placed in and was talking about the difference between teaching 1st and 4th grade. I concluded with the often repeated statement that I am just as comfortable with 1st and 4th graders but think that 4th graders are a little more comfortable with me than 1st graders are.

One person, meaning to be supportive, added "Plus you don't want to seem like creepy guy teacher."

My initial response was that actually there is a great support for men teachers for younger grades, especially because of the high rate of fatherlessness.

I never thought of the profession in terms of gender role. My dad wasn't around very often in the second half of my childhood but when he was a teacher. And Gramps had plenty to say about hard work and the correct way to use a lawn mower (he still does!). I have been brought up thinking of instructing and educating as a masculine endeavor. To be sure I have had no shortage of women in the family who were very interested in the importance of education and I could say that they were the stronger influence but the point is that in my background there would be nothing considered strange or unnatural with a man developing the mind and character of a child.

Well, I guess in this department I am an unusual case. The most common reaction from adults to learn that I am going into elementary teaching is first surprise followed by the same encouragement "They need more men teachers."

But the more I thought about the friend's statement about creepy guy teachers the more insulted I feel. The underlying meaning is that many people feel (and are justified in feeling) that men cannot be trusted around young children. My experience has been that this feeling is particularly strong in churches.

I know a lot of people who have told me that they were abused as children and I am under no illusions as to how very common and how damaging it is. I share the militancy of abuse survivors to ensure that children must be protected from this abuse... but one of the damages done by abuse is the destruction of trust and an enduring suspicion against all people (and men in particular).

This suspicion has touched the national psyche so that there is a commonly held view that there is something unnatural and dangerous about a man who is around children. If I saw a man watching children at a playground it would most certainly enter my mind that he might be "a stranger" or unsafe and I should keep an eye on him... and I'm the guy at the playground most of the time!

I'm not really insulted by the friend's comment but am frustrated because there is no defense that could be given. Nothing is more suspicious than a denial!

But the worst part is how much is lost because of the removal of men from the raising of children. I was exceedingly fortunate in the quality of the women who helped raise me but there is something all together different in how and what was little was contributed by the men. I learned more than how to fix a flat tire and mow a lawn from Gramps. Dad's laughable attempt at talking about the birds and bees made a much deeper impression on me than I realized "So... uhh... I'm guessing you guys like girls now? You... uhh... hold hands... well it gets much more complicated after that."

The men in my life were imperfect (like the women) but their influence was literally undercut and much of this was influenced by a fear and distrust against all men against which they had not deserved. And so the world misses out.

Incompletely unrelated news I know a lot of women who ask "Where are all the real men?"